There are three types of people: wise people, foolish people, and evil people. Of course, this oversimplification of people has really helped me understand myself and others.
Understanding the three types of people helped me to identify which people deserved my trust and which did not. I had to accept that not all people take responsibility for themselves or care about how their actions affect other people in their lives. Learning this wisdom saved me time, energy, money, and other resources that matter to me. I am not wasting my time or emotional resources on people who will either squander or destroy it. A wise woman once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them!” I would like to tell you I have always responded to life situations as a wise person would, but sometimes, I have responded to life situations in a very foolish manner.
The Wise Person
My goal in life is to respond with wisdom when situations for growth arise, with others as well as myself. What does a wise person look like? A wise person, when presented with truth, absorbs the truth, understands the truth, and then makes adjustments in their life to line up with the truth. The Bible says, “Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance.” (Proverbs 1:5)
A wise person wants people to come to them and tell them if there is any problem with their behavior or performance. They listen to other people’s input, assess their behavior, and take steps to change; ask forgiveness, get a mentor, take a class, go to a seminar, or get a counselor. When you give them feedback, they embrace it in a positive manner and do not get defensive or argumentative. They show remorse and want to do better in the future. They know how to say, “I am sorry, I was wrong, or please forgive me.”
The best way to deal with a wise person is to talk to them. Give them resources and work together toward a solution. The result is trust is built and deepened. The relationship is strengthened, and the person receiving the correction will emerge as a better person. When we choose to change, life is so much better. Yes, it is a choice. I once heard it said, “Our life is the sum total of the choices we have made.” Oh, ouch, that one hit home!
The Foolish Person
What does a foolish person look like? A foolish person doesn’t seem to be able to hear correction. The foolish person tries to alter the truth so that truth does not have to be adhered to. They reject feedback, are defensive, and can come back at you with a reason why it is not their fault. When a mistake is pointed out to them, they blame someone else, or they blame you. Their emotional response has nothing to do with remorse for their behavior, but they get angry and start attacking you. They have no awareness of the pain or frustration that their behavior has caused others.
They see themselves as the victim and other people as persecutors for pointing out problems with their behavior or performance. They find someone to rescue them and agree with them on how bad you are for being “against” them. They make excuses, minimize the problem, rationalize their performance with thoughts like “under the circumstances, that was certainly understandable, etc.”
The best way to deal with a foolish person is to stop talking to them about the problem and to stop giving them resources such as books, time, money, or advice. They do not use these resources as a wise person would. They squander resources. The Bible says in Proverbs 26:11, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.” I know, gross! So, the best way to deal with a foolish person is with limits and consequences.
Foolish people only begin to understand they have a problem when it starts to cost them something. When someone is not listening to feedback, it negatively affects their spouse, marriage, family, friends, company, team, boss, and co-workers.
I once had a friend who was always complaining about her husband, so I gave her a set of 12 cassette teaching tapes on the topic of marriage. (Since I came from a very chaotic background in which my parents divorced when I was seven, these tapes had really helped me make changes for a better marriage.) Three months passed, and she didn’t have time to listen to the recordings I had loaned her, while still complaining about her husband and marriage. After three months, I asked for the tapes back and slowly withdrew from the relationship.
Now that I have gained more wisdom in the area of victimhood, I might say to her, “Well, what are you going to do about it?” Or I might say, “How are you going to resolve this situation?” Or “I know you hear the voice of God… why don’t you ask the Lord what He would have you do?” (Questions I have had to ask myself when I don’t want to deal with my junk but want to remain foolish in a particular area.)
The Evil Person
What does an evil person look like? Evil people hurt people! Not unintentionally, like a foolish person, but intentionally!
An evil person cannot be reasoned with, so it is imperative that you protect yourself, your company, and your family. Protect yourself by only communicating with this person through your lawyer. Protect yourself by separating yourself and your family from this person. Call 911, get a restraining order, and employ whatever forms of protection you can afford and are comfortable with. Change for these people does not happen by giving in to them, reasoning with them, or giving them another chance to hurt you.
I have had to deal with evil people; I hope you will never have to. They would not listen to reason; they slandered and threatened me. They pushed against boundaries and made demands. It was one of the most challenging battles of my life. Once I began to understand the type of people I was dealing with, I only communicated with them through my lawyer. Fortunately, and by God’s grace, this battle was won. Yes, I have forgiven them because forgiveness is mandatory, but reconciliation is optional. I am no longer in a relationship with these people. God, being who He is, brought a book to me at this time that speaks about this subject of the three types of people and much, much more. This book is called “Necessary Endings” by Dr. Henry Cloud.
I would like to say I have always responded to situations as a wise person would, but I have not. At times, I have been very, very foolish and have not wanted to put in the time and energy to change so that I could become a better person. Unfortunately, foolish behavior that is not addressed grows bigger; just like tumbleweeds on the prairie, it piles up and covers roads that become impassible to traffic.
The Bible says in Deuteronomy 30:19, “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now CHOOSE LIFE so that you and your children may live.”
I hope this has been helpful—that by sharing some of my life experiences and knowledge, I have saved you from sorrow and grief.
I bless you with peace.
Love, Nana
